presente amor

ter gastado as minhas mais bonitas poesias com ele eh uma das minhas maiores tristezas. mas o amor não vê futuro. o amor tem uma visão muito limitada e estreita. minhas melhores palavras também foram…


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Everything You Need to Know About Helicopter Parenting

Yes, you read that right! Helicopter Parenting! Intriguing right?🤔

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First, let me ask you a few questions

Are you someone who doesn’t leave your toddler to play alone, even in a safe setting?

Are you someone who still determines if the color of the sky in your 5-year-old’s drawing should be blue or pink?

Do you still decide what dress your 13-year-old should wear at a family gathering?

Do you decide who your teenager should be friends with?

Do you check on your adult child on social media, and track their whereabouts with an intention of keeping eye on them?

If you’ve been doing all this, you might be a Tiger-parent or a pushy parent or a helicopter parent, and its high time you take a step back!

If you have watched the movie ‘Helicopter Eela’ starring Kajol Devgan, you might have wondered like me as to why the movie title has the word ‘Helicopter’ as a prefix to the character’s name!

For those who don’t know what the movie is about, here is a brief — the movie revolves around the life of a mother-son duo. The single mother is over-protective of her son and follows him everywhere from his school picnic to his college. The movie also depicts the desires of a single mother whose life revolves around her only son, for whom she gave up her dreams.

The mention of “she’s here, there, and everywhere,” and the song ‘mama ki parchai’ (which translates to ‘mom’s shadow’) in the movie, depicts how the mom hovers around the son all the time.

Such a hovering parenting pattern is fear-based parenting, coming out direct from extreme worry about the children failing in life or falling prey to a wrong happening.

A helicopter is like a free bird and has the ability to move in any direction, and the sound of it makes you feel like there the helicopter is buzzing around you from every direction. Similarly, helicopter parents hover over their child’s life from every angle, and in every aspect.

Basically, everything that a parent overdoes!

You may want to argue that such kind of parenting lasted until the 90s when the concept was put to light, and the millennials (young adults of the 21st century) don’t follow that kind of parenting any more.

But facts state that technology and this competitive new world has in fact made helicopter parenting the new norm.’

Such parenting can affect a child in many unintended ways. If you are a tiger parent,

If you decide everything for your children, from their dressing to their schedule and their friends, they are likely to get highly dependent and may lose the opportunity to learn basic decision-making skills.

Children should be allowed to make age-appropriate choices because the little decisions they make in their childhood gives them the confidence to make larger and important decisions in their lives ahead.

You don’t want your child to stand at crossroads at every decision making opportunity, right?

2. Underdeveloped life skills

When a child’s activities, behavior, and feelings are all micro-managed by the parents, they do not get into the practice of self-regulating, or self-control.

So if a son gets into a fight with a classmate, the blame may not fall solely on him, but the parents as well, because the son might have always been controlled by the parents, and would need them around at every such occasion that demands a control on his behavior. You are a parent, you can’t be omnipresent!

Rather than always showering the rain of your influence, you might want to encourage your child to be self-motivated, and self-controlled.

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3. Psychological disorders

Many experiments have shown that children in their teenage develop anxiety and depression, majorly because of the high expectations of the parents and the fear of disappointing them.

Student suicides seen around the world would be an apt example here. Students are always under the pressure of being ‘the perfect son’ or ‘the perfect daughter.’ And when they fail at this, they find no meaning in life and may end up depressed, or worse may even develop suicidal tendencies.

Cell phones are the new umbilical cords🤯. Parents these days make use of technology to always keep an eye on their children, from where they go, to what they post on social media. This causes anxiety in the kids, a feeling of suffocation, and a feeling of being under surveillance.

Nobody would want to be spied upon every time, and feel being watched upon!

4. Low Self-Esteem and risk aversion

Being dependent on parents all throughout childhood, children build a mindset that they aren’t worthy of making their own decisions, and only their parents can do it for them.

And how are children supposed to build that experience or confidence, if they are never let to take independent decisions, make mistakes, and learn from them?

The death of this self-esteem may be wrathful for a child’s development, as this dynamic world throws different challenges at each of us, which demands experience and confidence for a healthy tackle.

5. Resentment to parents

When children are always being overpowered, they tend to grow as stubborn children and resent their parents.

Children start to believe that their parents don’t trust them and they tend to look for support outside. Since the same children haven’t had any judgment skills because of overprotective parents, they may end up choosing acquaintances that are harmful to them.

Parents believe that paying close attention to each activity of their children and making decisions for them, or constantly providing them cent percent attention and guidance, will keep them safe and bring them success in this VUCA (Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous) world.

The world is full of uncertainty. Uncertainty about succeeding, uncertainty about safety, and uncertainty about happiness. Parents feel contented and happy when they lay a certain path for their child’s growth and future.

There is no doubt that each parent works in the best interest of their children, but the changing times require a walk away from such pushy parenting.

There is no such good or bad parenting. Every child is unique and a one-size-fits-all approach doesn't make it right. But here are a few things which will be appreciated by your children.

Motivate your child to grow up with self-reliance.

Let your child make age-appropriate choices.

Let your child make mistakes and learn from them.

Listen to your child.

Let them not feel as if they are under surveillance.

Let them have their own little space.

The rapid changes in this new era demand a flexible parenting approach. Don’t you think parenting methods need to change with the changing times?

P.S — In case you’re wondering, I have an experience of parenting with my niece and nephew😂

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