Imposter Syndrome from a Different Perspective.

Why cancer and a stroke made me feel like a fraud.

People think of Imposter Syndrome as being something that happens to people when they feel like they are not good enough at something. Like a writer who doesn’t think they are good enough and that they will be caught as a fake at any moment.

For me, the term applies in a different way. I have been through 2 health crises but it feels like someone will come up to me and say that I am not a survivor. because I didn’t go through the motions.

In June doctors diagnosed me with Stage 1 Breast Cancer. On July 23rd I had a bi-lateral mastectomy. My tumor was 6mm in size with no other cancer anywhere. None in the other breast or in the lymph nodes.

This meant there would be no chemotherapy and no radiation.

In a matter of a month, I was cancer-free.

This was the start of imposter feelings. I didn’t have cancer long enough to even notice. No side effects to deal with except a bit of fluid build-up.

Seven weeks after surgery I had a stroke.

I was on the phone with my husband which turned out to be a good thing. If I hadn’t I may have never known I had a stroke.

From the time the stroke started until I was back to full speech was approximately 6 hours. The only lasting effect is a bit of vertigo from time to time and we aren’t positive that is from the stroke. I spent 2 days in the hospital for a whole battery of tests they did as a precaution.

Imposter feelings increased.

I am aware of how lucky I am. How much worse things could have been. I am forever grateful that my wake up call was a tap on the shoulder and not a hammer to the chest.

But when I talk to others who have been through similar it seems awkward. I don’t have anything to talk about except for my surgery. I don’t know what chemotherapy sickness is like. I didn’t lose any of my hair to radiation and there is no physical therapy from the stroke.

In the end, it may go along with the insecurity I have been feeling because so much has happened in the last 3 months.

I do know that regardless of the awkwardness I may feel on occasion that I am a survivor and a twin survivor at that.

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